Thursday, August 04, 2005

Transcript of a fake podcast

        If I had really done a podcast I'd be posting that. This transcript is 100% a product of my mind. No women were interviewed (though I pull from material from previous conversations). No animals were harmed. Just good clean fun. In this podcast "Tampon Tom" interviews "Jill".
        Now that I have written this I have two critiques. Yes, I'm critiquing my own work. There are places where the conversation takes an unnatural shift. I'm not a professional writer and I know I struggle with making a story flow in a realistic fashion. Two, I'm not so sure about the spontaneous pad/tampon changing. I doubt I personally would ask to do that. I doubt a woman would go along with it. I do think a woman would get pissed about me continuing the interview while I watch her menstruate. When I wrote it the mood seemed right. Now that I go back it seems awkward. Oh well, this is fiction.

T: Hello everyone. This is Tampon Tom and this is the first installment of the Tampon Talk Padcast, a podcast about menstruation. In these podcasts we'll deal with serious issues surrounding the menstrual cycle, but there is a fetish element, and these podcasts are intended for mature, adult audiences. Today I am fortunate enough to be joined by Jill. Thank you Jill.

J: Thank you, Tom.

T: Jill, tell us a little about yourself.

J: I'm 28 years-old, single. I work as a store manager, and live in Ohio.

T: To let everyone know, it's my intent to keep the interviewees' identifies rather vague just to prevent any problems.

J: (laughs) Thanks Tom.

T: Jill, let's start at the beginning. Share with us about your first period. When it was. How old you were.

J: I actually don't remember too much about it.

T: Isn't that odd? I mean this is a major event in your life.

J: I don't remember the first time I brushed my teeth. It's just not something I thought to remember for all eternity (laughs). I do remember we were on summer vacation at the beach and I was only 10.

T: 10. That's a little on the young side.

J: Yeah, it kind of is. I think I was the first of my friends to get her period. I was actually almost 11.

T: So doing the math, this was the summer of 1987? That's the year you turned 11, right?

J: I was born in 1976, so yeah, it would've been 1987, sure.

T: So what happened?

J: My vagina started to bleed (laughs).

T: (laughs) Yeah, well, I sort of figured that.

J: I had a stomach-ache that morning. I was a real pill at the beach. My family was in the water and I was just sitting on the beach being a little bitch. I just felt weird. I went into one of those public beach bathrooms and saw something brownish in my bathing suit. I had to yell out into the ocean for my mom. I thought I had diarrhea or something. It wasn't until we got back to the motel room did my mom tell me what it was.

T: Were you prepared for this? Did you know to expect your period?

J: Not really. I'm the only girl in my family, so I didn't have older sisters. My mom had explained to me once before what her pads were for and I knew I would have to do it to. I wish I had known a little more, but I don't know it would've helped.

T: What do you mean?

J: Well, I was only 10. That's pretty young. All the information in the world wouldn't have helped me. It wouldn't have sunk in.

T: So what did you do next?

J: My mom had no pads. She wanted to leave me in the motel room and run to the store. I didn't want her to leave me. She offered to get my dad, but that would've brought my brothers in. I didn't need three guys staring at me. I think I was frustrating my mom. She told me to fold some toilet paper into my panties and took me to a drug store near the motel.

T: What did she buy you?

J: I don't know the brand, but they were the cheapest pads in the store. I still remember them. Whenever I see those free pads in airplanes I always think of my first ones. No wings and small.

T: Do you remember how long your period lasted?

J: The rest of our time at the beach. I couldn't go swimming obviously, so it shot my vacation.

T: Sharks?

J: No, silly (laughs). I couldn't go into the water wearing a pad.

T: Not to get too far ahead of ourselves, when did you start using tampons?

J: Probably the next summer. I really enjoyed swimming.

T: What was that like, using tampons for the first time.

J: It wasn't that bad. My mom showed just holding one how to insert it and press the plunger. I thought it'd hurt, but I really didn't feel anything.

T: So you did it all by yourself?

J: Yeah.

T: How long did it take you to get used to having periods?

J: What do you mean?

T: Well, obviously I'm not a woman, but I would imagine it feels quite unnatural at first to be bleeding there, wearing a pad, wondering if everyone knows, worried you're leaking, and such.

J: I still worry about all of that (laughs). I think by my third period I had the routine down.

T: Were your periods regular, every 28 days, then.

J: I think. My mom showed me how to use a calendar. I do remember getting my period early one month which put me on the same schedule as my mom.

T: Which came first? Boobs or your period.

J: I'm still waiting for boobs (laughs).

T: Oh come now! You're what? 36-C?

J: You're too kind. I wear a 34-B bra. I got my period first.

T: As you progressed through your teen years, how did you period change? What was it like growing up a girl?

J: I noticed my periods getting heavier and the cramping getting worse and worse.

T: What did you do for that?

J: I had to change my pads and tampons more often. Oh, Jill bitch time! It's obviously men who create the bell schedules in schools. 6 minutes is not long enough between periods. Yeah, they called them "periods" at my school. It was like every girl in the school was menstruating at the same time and we're all in there between classes trying to change ourselves and get to our next class on time. It got to where some of us wouldn't go into a stall to change a pad.

T: Just out there in the middle of the bathroom?

J: Yeah, it's not a huge deal. I couldn't bring myself to changing a tampon that way. Sometimes 2 or 3 of us would pile into a stall for that.

T: (fakes a heart attack) If I could've shared that stall, I could die. There'd be nothing else to live for.

J: (laughs) Trust me. Three bitchy, bleeding, hormonal girls who are late for class would not have been pleasant.

T: How'd you handle cramps?

J: Poorly. I just popped Advil and bitched at people.

T: We've talked about your early years and your teen years. You're now a young women, men in your life, and all. What do they think about your period?

J: I dated a guy in high school. He just had no clue. I'd be sweet one week, bitchy the next. I tried to tell him with those vague phrases like "it's my time of the month" or "I'm just not myself this week". He had no clue.

T: Okay, Tom bitch time. If schools and parents would include boys when discussing the menstrual cycle, perhaps we'd be more understanding and more mature about it! I'm sorry Jill, please go on.

J: I didn't get sexually involved until I was 19. He was a little queazy about it.

T: In what way?

J: I could talk a little more about my period. I could tell him "I'm getting my period next week" and he'd know what that really meant. But I couldn't really send him for tampons and he'd only touch me towards the end of my period.

T: How'd that make you feel?

J: (laughs) I see where you're doing. Did I feel unclean because of how he acted? Was I offended? No. Periods are really gross, face it.

T: Are not!

J: Are to! (laughs) I understood. I can't say I'd want to be around menstruation if I didn't have to.

T: If you could stop your periods, but be otherwise a healthy woman capable of reproduction, would you?

J: If it also got rid of the cramps and bloating and shit, yeah, I would in a second.

T: You see pretty open about your periods. Why do you feel comfortable with it? A lot of women are not and go to great lengths to conceal their periods.

J: (sings) "The times, they are a-changin'". I don't know that I'm that open about it.

T: I met you on a menstruation forum and you're here chatting with me. I wouldn't think most women would do that.

J: I'm younger than you I know. I think many women my age are more likely to discuss it that say, women my mother's age.

T: I'm closer to your age than your mother's age.

J: But you're a man.

T: Exactly. You're discussing this with a man and not your fellow ladies.

J: Okay. I'll go ahead and share this story. It's really weird.

T: Go on.

J: I worked with a woman at the old store who was one of those Mother Earth lesbian types. Well, she would sleep with men every now and then. She pissed me off, I was without a man and couldn't find one anywhere. She's a lesbian and whenever she "needed dick" she'd have a guy in a second. We were in this sauna just wrapped in towels. When we get ready to leave, she grabs a towel she had been sitting on and it was covered in blood. She went on about how natural menstruation was and she likes to free flow while in the heat of the sauna. She only used a towel out of courtesy to others who had to use the sauna. She was going to build her own someday and would just bleed right on the bench. She had a tattoo on her belly, right over her uterus. In fact it was shaped like a uterus. It had 28 rays or something coming from it. The 5 on top symbolized her bleeding. She was really into her cycle.

T: I'd love to interview her.

J: I haven't talked to her in ages. I'll see. Anyway, I was pretty down on men and relationships and all and she's telling me how wonderful it was to be a woman, how the Earth is also a woman, I needed to think positively about my cycle. I don't follow her menstruation worship crap, but I decided I shouldn't be ashamed of my period. I got curious how other women handled cramps and heavy bleeding. I found the Internet forums and here I am.

T: I thank you for your candidness and I hope my listeners feel the same way. Let's wrap this up with a few more questions.

J: Okay.

T: Which feminine products do you use?

J: I usually use Always Ultra pads with wings and Tampax tampons with the plastic applicator.

T: Why?

J: I like the way the Always fits me. And the Tampax? I don't know, it's the name brand and works. I'm more picky about my pads.

T: I do know that wings help by holding the pad closer to the body. Is that why you use them?

J: Yeah, I just feel more confident with them.

T: When was your last period?

J: Actually Tom, I got it yesterday.

T: You're kidding?

J: Nope. I got that tingly-pain sensation down my thighs last night and sure enough I was bleeding.

T: Congratulations.

J: Gee, thanks.

T: By my calendar you should be PMS-ing right now.

J: I don't think I've updated you on my period in a couple of months and they started coming a little earlier. So here I am.

T: What are you wearing now?

J: A pad and a tampon.

T: Wow. Hey, let me ask. You can say "no", but can I change you?

J: I was wondering if you'd ask.

T: Can you strip down to your panties and lie on the bed? I promise there will be no inappropriate touching.

J: Changing me is appropriate (laughs)?

T: I'm not going to rape you.

J: (laughs) Thank you. You're such a gentleman.

Tom collects a fresh pad and tampon from Jill's purse, places a towel down on the bed, and prepares a washcloth. Jill removes her shoes and jeans.

T: Okay, sorry about that. This part wasn't rehearsed. I sent Jill my interview form and we agreed on the questions and topics ahead of time. This part wasn't part of the plan. In case you're wondering, I'm in sales and travel all over the country. I'm in Ohio right now and we're in my hotel room. I can see the wings of the Always pad wrapped about the crotch of Jill's dark blue panties. Do you typically choose darker colors when you're bleeding?

J: I usually don't care. But this was my only clean pair this morning.

T: I'm going to slide Jill's panties off. Lift your butt up a little... there we go. Okay. Wow. Her string has a little blood on it and this pad is soaked. How's that?

J: This morning I wore on a pad, got it bloodied, then inserted a tampon. I was thinking you'd ask to change me and thought you might enjoy it this way more.

T: I appreciate the gesture. Here, hold your microphone by your panties while I remove the pad. (Ripping sound of pad). I'll set the pad over here. If it's okay with you can I post pictures of your pad and tampon in the show notes? No pictures of you.

J: That's fine.

T: Okay, hold the mic down by your vagina while I pull the tampon out. Wow, that plopped right out.

J: I'm a pretty heavy bleeder.

T: A little surge, well, surge is a strong word. Some blood poured out after I removed the tampon.

J: You should see it when I'm standing. It drips down my leg.

T: Can you take us on a tour of your cycle, what we had discussed before?

J: Sure.

T: Afterwards I'll clean you up and all. I want to watch you menstruate.

J: Uh, that's fine.

T: Most biology textbooks show the onset of menstruation to be "day zero". I want to save that for the end. So you get your period, you bleed, bleed, bleed. What's next.

J: I kept the diary you had asked about the changes in my body. I bleed for 4 or 5 days. If I bleed heavily at first it's 4 days. This period will probably be 4. Once it's over I feel lighter, more clean, and happier. My vulva and breasts aren't as puffy. In fact I'm a little loose in my bra. There are really no changes until about 13 days after my period has started. I don't use hormonal birth control, so I do ovulate. I have to use a mini-pad, usually just a generic brand, because I get mucousy. I also get incredibly horny. That lasts for 2 days. Sometimes 5 days.

T: Do you experience pain on either side while you're ovulating.

J: I always have. Then you told me what it was. It's my ovaries working. It does alternate from side to side. This month it was my left side. It's a dull ache. Nothing too bad. I hit about a week's worth of no-man's land. I'm not particularly bitchy, but I'm not myself. Towards the end of that week I start bloating. My bra feels light, my jeans don't fit right. That final week I'm pretty much a bitch princess. I get cramps and my mood is just horrible. I get my period. I get achy down there, but it is sort of relief and can you do something! I have blood dripping down into my ass crack.

T: Oh, sorry. Let me clean that.

J: Christ that washcloth is cold!

T: Crap, sorry. Here, let me insert your tampon.

Tom unwraps the tampon, places it inside Jill, and inserts it.

T: How's that?

J: Good. I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting to lie here naked like this.

T: I understand. (Tom unwraps maxi pad and puts it in Jill's panties). Here, let's get your panties back on.

J: Thanks.

T: Let me apologize again. This was rather spontaneous. And well, I'm male.

J: It's okay, I'm not mad. I just felt a little self-conscious lying there with my legs spread open and blood running down my crack.

T: Can we still talk about the last topic? Your most embarrassing moment?

J: You mean besides what we just did?

T: Yeah.

J: When I an assistant manager I had to work a Saturday in the tire and lube section of the store with all the mechanics. All the male mechanics. Naturally I had put on light colored pants. My period hit early, without warning, and it was bloody. I had none of the signs. I didn't feel like I was menstruating. I was out in the bays much of the day and assumed I was sweating. I went to the bathroom and my panties were shot and there was a huge stain on my pants.

T: Oh dear.

J: Yeah.

T: What did you do?

J: Cleaning up was useless. I grabbed some coveralls the mechanics wear and wrapped it around my waist. I marched into the store and grabbed a package of panties, some pants, and some pads. I removed all the tags, marched into the employee bathroom, cleaned up, and changed. I threw my panties and pants out.

T: Did anyone say anything to you?

J: Not a word. I'm sure they were laughing behind my back, or maybe these guys just didn't know, assumed it was motor oil.

T: Sorry to hear about that.

J: I was sorry to live it.

T: Well, I hope you enjoyed this first installment of the Tampon Talk Padcast. Thank you Jill. So long!

Shout outs to Trixie

        I'd like to thank Trixie for posting about this blog on her blog.
        My interests go beyond menstruation. I had created in my mind a world where people live for sex. It just seemed more interesting to have it a male-dominated society rather than a female-dominated. That's not to say I might come up with a short-story series where men are subservient to woman. (I know, why not make them equal?).
        Yes, I'm very clear when something is fiction versus fact. I had the idea of a menstruation related podcast (a padcast). Since I really don't have the time or resources to make this happen, I might post a transcript of a fictional interview. I'll clearly label is as fiction.
        Thanks again Trixie for rekindling my interest and letting me at least one other person reads this. :-)

Monday, June 27, 2005

Is this on?

        I have publicized this blog on a menstrual forum and some Yahoogroups. I don't know if anyone is reading it. I have a lot of content ideas, but don't want to work seriously on them if no one is going to read. If you're reading my blog please let me know.

Monday, June 20, 2005

Just testing something...

There's nothing to see, please move along. ;-)

What is "Gynotopia"?

        A few years ago ABC television ran a series called Dinotopia. When I first heard of this, I thought I had heard "Gynotopia". I wondered what Gynotopia would be like. I did Google on the term and discovered the term is used to describe woman utopias. I suspect this is lesbian or even man-hating literature. I was imaging it more in term of gynecological fetish.
        My Gynotopia is not very politically correct. If you're a feminist you might want to stop reading here. I imagined an island populated by disease-free men and women. Both sexes become sexually active at puberty. (For the sake of argument, assume people on this island reach puberty at age 18 or whatever is the age of majority in your jurisdiction.) Men are always referred to as, well, "men". Females are always "girls". A girl's four primary purposes are:

        1. Sexual satisfaction of men.
        2. Having babies.
        3. Sexual gratification of women.
        4. Sexual gratification of self.

        Girls always refer to their menstrual age (that is years since their first period). This is because girls have no value to society until they are sexually active which occurs after their first period. They are paid to have babies. Oh, it goes on and on, not something I can describe in one short blog entry.
        Does this sound interesting? Sick? Does anyone read this blog? Let me know!

Better than Viagra

        You know that smell? You walk into a bathroom with several used maxis in the wastebasket. God help me that smell does more for me than a bottle of Viagra.

Sunday, June 12, 2005


        The BBC reports "A clinical environment and a lack of space during labour made giving birth more difficult and uncomfortable for many women, a survey suggests." I think the way a society brings children into the world speaks volumes for the society. Here in the United States, the mother is sort of afterthought. She is position where it's most comfortable for the doctor, not the best position which to give birth. She's denied food and water in the off chances she requires anesthesia. Doctors will continue jabbing their hands into her vagina to check for dilation. I mean God forbid she not deliver on time or interfere with his tee time.

Friday, June 10, 2005


        I had noticed vulvas look different from woman to woman, but could be categorized. I figured it was just me. Apparently not. Here's a website called Vulvology, the study of vaginas. There are different styles. Great site!

Free bleeding

        Wow! Here's a great piece on free bleeding. I wish more women were comfortable with their periods. She also has information about periods. Hell, the entire site is great reading! If you need a road map to woman's beautiful anatomy, look here.

Interesting photo in Wikipedia

        Wikipedia is a free, user-contributed, online encyclopedia. They have an informative entry for tampon. I'm pretty familiar with a woman's anatomy, but I had just assumed the top of the tampon butted up against the cervix and fluids flowed down the length of the tampon. According to this picture, the opening of the cervix is broadside to the tampon. This makes sense now that I think about it. I have seen used tampons with more blood in the center than the ends. Also if fluids had to hit the narrow end of the tampon, a woman could have leaks.
        There's also an article on pads.
        Perhaps menstrual fetishists should contribute to menstrual related articles in Wikipedia!

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Who Am I?

        Unlike Deep Throat, I don't plan on revealing my identity. I'm probably not what you would picture. I'm a mild-mannered, relatively conservative married man in his 30's living in Texas. I was quite a precocious kid. Instead of playing baseball on the corner lot, I was in my parents' attic reading books on pregnancy and health. I thought women's bodies were far more interesting than men's bodies. Something struck me as odd. I knew about periods. It sounded sort of neat. Yes, I was in elementary school. I'd see these vague ads on television where they never quite came out and told you what they were for. Sometimes they'd pour a blue liquid on them. I didn't connect the products shown in those ads to menstruation for several years.
        Puberty hit and I got really interested in girls. I had male friends, but I found them to be immature and crass. Most girls were not. I much preferred the company of girls. I'd cringe when a male friend would refer to a girl "being on the rag". That seemed so disrespectful.
        I continue to be fascinated by all things feminine: gynecology, menstruation, pregnancy, and childbirth. I still think women's bodies are far more interesting than men's and I continue wanting to better understand them.
        I've been asked many times what's the fascination with periods. They're so gross. I personally don't find them gross at all. In fact I find them rather sexy. I guess you either get it or you don't.

Story postings

        I just posted three stories I wrote a year or two ago. I had them on my Menstrual Clinic website (which I plan to decommission). Since I don't have any fresh material at the moment, I thought I'd post these. Enjoy!

Story: Menstrual Blog II

Menstrual blog
©2004 Vatobulo
Permission to link to this page granted.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004 8:42 PM
Hi. Remember me? Last month my brother made me blog about my period. I really wanted to kill him. Really, I wanted him to die. But it's been kind of funny. I feel like we've been closer. I'm not just some PMS bitch who shares a house with him. I'm joining the Navy next month and it's been nice getting along with my brother.
Keeping that blog was at first embarrassing. But it was also, well, I dunno. Naughty. Erotic. There was something about sharing such intimate details with the world. Anyway, I've decided to keep another blog and this time I'm doing it voluntarily.
I got my last period on April 17th. I expect this next one on May 13th. I've been pretty regular for years, every 26 days. Mine usually last for about four days, but can go into a fifth day if it started late in the day.

Tuesday, May 11, 2004 11:01 PM
Oh my god!!! what the hell was I thinking?

Our prom is this Saturday and I'm going to be on my period. It's not just that. I got a motel room that night for my boyfriend and me. After graduation I'll be sailing the seven seas, he'll be off to college. So we were going to make it a night to remember. Who the hell wants to have sex with a girl on her period?

Wednesday, May 12, 2004 6:44 AM
It's days like these I want to rip my uterus out and flush it down the toilet! My breasts hurt. Once again they're bursting out of my bras. I woke up around 5:30 with a headache. I took some Tylenol and couldn't get back to sleep. I took a hot shower. That sort of helped my back, but made my headache worse.
I don't know why my breasts are growing so much lately. I was a 32A forever, and then went up to a 34A after I hit 16. It was a charter member of the Itty-Bitty-Titty-Committee until I finally graduated up to a 34B last fall. They were loose as hell, but the 34A's were a bit snug. Now I need 34C's.
I really like winter. I often wear no bra. Just a t-shirt with a sweatshirt or something over it. No one could tell. I freaked out the girls on my track team when I pulled my t-shirt off and had nothing on underneath. Can you believe our school's dress code says girls have to wear bras!!! Well, it says we need to wear appropriate undergarments or some nonsense like that.
I have to get to school.

Wednesday, May 12, 2004 9:02 PM
Jesus I have PMS this month! It's probably all the stress of being a graduating senior. I have so much shit going on, I don't have time to deal with a fucking period. I've been a royal bitch princess all day. I wanted to tell my boyfriend to forget the prom. He's not going to get laid anyway, so what's the point?
I'm going to bed!

Thursday, May 13, 2004 6:49 AM
I am sooooooo crampy.

Thursday, May 13, 5:19 PM
I wasn't very talkative this morning if you didn't notice. I think I've passed my bitch stage and have entered my self-pity stage. My boobs hurt, my back hurts, I want my feet rubbed, and someone to massage my temples. I want my boyfriend to hold me. I want to tell him my period sucks and he probably won't want to get near me Saturday night.
I still haven't gotten my period!! I tossed some Always Thin-Ultras with wings in my purse. I didn't need them. I guess I should go ahead and carry some tampons. This happens every month. Before my period the last thing I want to think about is shoving anything up there, so I just take pads. Then as the day wears on and my mood improves I wish I had some tampons.

Thursday, May 13, 9:49 PM
I'm wiped. I talked on the phone with a friend of mine. I always assume my parents are listening so we didn't talk about anything juicy. Just girl stuff. Hair styles. Dresses. This miserable backwater town we live in. I'm turning in. Aunt Flo should be arriving soon. I can feel it in my bones. I'm going to wear a pad to bed just to be safe.
Pad count:
1 Always Thin-Ultras with wings

Friday, May 14, 2004 3:33 AM
Well, it woke me up. Good thing I had the pad on. I probably started bleeding a little after midnight. I was having a weird ass dream that I can't remember then felt it. I peed, decided my pad should last until morning, and walked to the computer. Back to bed. Good night.

Friday, May 14, 2004 6:29 AM
My pad held up during the night. I had a leak. My panties and sheets had a little stain. Nothing major. I showered and afterwards stuck in a tampon. My usual Tampax Pearl unscented. I'm sitting here in a towel blogging and bleeding away. I'll be flowing my heaviest tomorrow evening while I'm at the prom. Just great.
I'd better get dressed. I'll definitely wear a pad.
I'm already feeling better. My headache's gone and my mood is improving. I'm sort of achy and throbby down there.

Friday, May 14, 2004 7:11 PM
I had lunch with my boyfriend. We went to McDonald's. I thought about telling him about my period, but never got up the nerve. I've never talked about my period with any boy. Well, except for my brother. (God is that twisted or what?!?).
Around 9 or so, after first period I had to change my tampon. I can tell men set up these bell schedules. By the time I get to the bathroom, go into the stall, pull down my pants, pee, pull out the old tampon, clean myself up, put in the new one, all of that the bell has almost rung.
After we got back from lunch I changed it again. Didn't really need it, but it's too damn hard trying to do it between classes. My pad would've caught anything, but I hate that feeling of a soggy tampon inside of me. Normally I never feel them, but when they get really heavy I know it's there.
Track season is over. Some of the girls still meet to run, mostly the ones who aren't graduating. I came right home, made some caramel popcorn, and crashed out in front of the TV. Around 4 I pulled out the tampon and I'm just padding it. I probably need to check it soon. It was fairly clean since I've had tampons in all day.

Friday, May 14, 2004 10:41 PM
I put on a new pad around 7:30 and will use another one before bed. Tomorrow's the big day.
I'm not a virgin, but my boyfriend is the only guy I've been with and tomorrow night was going to be really special. I can't believe I forgot about my period. I keep a calendar. The prom is at the downtown Hilton on the river. They won't let any high school kids, even those of us who are 18, have a room. I found a place across town. It's a motel, but it's nice. My boyfriend got the room no problem. A friend of mine, actually her sister who is 22, is going to drop champagne off for us. Pisses me off! I'm old enough to fight and die for my country, but I can't get a hotel room or drink. Anyway, we were going to make love until morning. We both know we're going separate ways after this and we're both cool with it.
My birthday was on a Sunday this year. We went out on Saturday. We missed the movie we wanted to see, so we went for a walk. I told him I didn't want to enter adulthood a virgin. He drove his pickup to this place where he and his brother hunt. It's like 20 degrees out and we're in the back of his pickup inside a sleeping back trying to have sex. He got it in me, but didn't last very long. He was so cute actually. Or pathetic. He just kept apologizing. It was nice being close to him, but I was freezing my ass off and the experience pretty much sucked. I am so fucking lucky though. We didn't use condoms or anything and that was supposedly my fertile time. Maybe God won't let you get pregnant if you didn't enjoy it. LOL. January 30th couldn't come fast enough. I kept swearing I had morning sickness.
We've fooled around a few times since. It's really hard with our schedules and finding a private place. I told him to forget the back of his truck again. We have been using condoms. He's lasting a little longer and it feels good, but. Oh damn, okay. I have never had an orgasm. I read in one of those trashy women's magazines that oral sex was the best way to have one. On me, not him. Truthly, the idea of that thing in my mouth is repulsive. Then again, the idea of a mouth on a woman's pee-pee probably doesn't do much for him. I mean, it wouldn't for me. Or doesn't. But is that because I'm a girl who isn't gay? Shouldn't I want to suck dicks?
Last month my parents were at some church retreat, so I invited him over. Naturally my brother walked in right at the wrong moment! That's why I did the first blog. He said he would tell if I didn't.
Good night!
Product count:
3 Tampax Pearl unscented tampon
3 Always Thin-Ultras with wings

Saturday, May 15, 2004 11:59 AM
Oh my God, major accident! I took some Tylenol PM because I was achy and was having trouble sleeping. I slept until after 10 and my pad leaked. It stayed mostly on my panties and night shirt. My mom gets pissed when I have accidents. Like she never does? She says I don't plan well and I'm not careful enough.
Anyway, my pad probably should've been changed like six hours ago. It was pretty gross. I was half tempted to show it to my brother to gross him out, but he'd probably want to frame it.
I took a shower and now am wearing a pad and tampon. The usual kinds.

Saturday, May 15, 2004 5:11 PM
This is it! I'm off to prom. I have a fresh tampon and pad. Naturally I had to pick the white dress with the white stockings. I usually wear darker colors during my period. I don't honestly think it'll hide an accident any better, but it makes me less nervous.
Product count:
3 Tampax Pearl unscented tampon
2 Always Thin-Ultras with wings
Sunday, May 16, 2004 2:22 PM
Oh my God!!! That's all I can say about last night.
We had one of those proms where they serve dinner at the prom. I guess in this crappy town there's really no other place to go. We ate. We danced. I changed my tampon at some point, maybe around 8 or so. I accounted for it up above if you're keeping score. My pad stayed pretty clean.
We left later than I wanted, around 11. On the way to the motel I told him I had my period and he probably wouldn't want to have sex with me. He asked if it was unsafe to have sex during my period. I said it wasn't, but it was just really gross and I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to. He said he'd been looking forward to tonight and he didn't think it'd bother him. I told him that I probably couldn't get pregnant so he didn't have to fool with condoms.
We got to the motel. He had already checked in before picking me up, so he had the key. Those fancy hotels like at Disney World have those electronic keys that look like credit cards. This motel still had keys. There was a note on our door that said, "The gift is behind Jenna and Barbara." It took us the longest time to figure that one out. You know, the president's daughters? The Bushes? The champagne was behind the bushes. My friend's sister had already been by.
I went into the bathroom to check on things. I went ahead and remove my tampon. It needed to come out. My pad was still fairly clean. He just lied on the bed, kissed, was real casual you know. Finally I was wearing only my pantyhose and panties. He was just in his underwear (briefs). We've never really seen each other naked. It's always been in his truck or us taking off our pants under sheets without looking. It finally dawned on me I was half naked in front of a guy and I'm sure I blushed. We pulled the bedspread down and when I saw the white sheets it hit me. I told him we couldn't do it on the bed because I'd stain the sheets. It'd be hard for him to explain why the sheets were all bloody. He remembered he still had his sleeping bag in his truck. He put on pants and ran out and got it. We spread it out on the bed. I took a deep breath and pulled my hose and panties off. I asked him not to look at me. God, I was naked and bleeding. He got naked too and we just held each other.
We felt each other. He finally knows where to touch me. When we first started having sex he'd finger my vagina. I had to tell him about my clitoris. He got it right last night. In the back of my mind I knew I was bleeding, but tried not to worry about it. I told him what I read about oral sex and that I wanted to try it, but because I had my period I would understand if he didn't. I was so hoping he would still want to do it and sure enough he did. I told him I'd go first. I slid down the bed and put him into my mouth. I had to adjust the sleeping bag so I didn't stain the bed. It wasn't as bad as I had thought. I picture it being like a broomstick down my throat. It was salty and musky tasting. Then, without warning, he came. I had no idea it was coming and I just swallowed. It felt like it got caught in my throat. I grabbed my class champagne and drank it. He kept apologizing. I tried to tell him it was okay. I had to refill my glass and drink to get the stickiness out. I told him not to worry about it. I dunno, it was gross and erotic all at the same time. I can't say I'd want a guy to do that to me again, but if it were to happen it'd be okay.
He said it was my turn. I could feel blood trickle down my butt crack. I asked him if he wanted me to put in a tampon. This is so funny. He looked at her seriously and said, "But wouldn't that cover up your vulva?" He said "vulva" like he was a doctor. I explained to him a tampon went inside of me. I told him more than he ever wanted to know about feminine hygiene products. He said that after what he did to me he didn't mind eating me out with a little blood. So I let him.
It did not take much time for me to climax. GOD I LOVE SEX!!! That felt so incredibly good. I can't even put into words what it was like. I had to nudge him away because it was starting to become overbearing. It didn't start to hurt, but I could only take so much. He slid up beside me. I pulled him towards me and he got on top of me and entered me. It was wonderful. He didn't hurt me going in. I was nice and lubed. I guess since he had just emptied into my damn stomach he had a lot more stamina. I wasn't timing it or anything, but it lasted long enough.
I guess because of all the champagne I was sleepy. I have never drunk before. Really, I haven't. I had four plastic cups of champagne, two I washed down quickly to get him out of my throat. We both fell asleep. He folded the sleeping bag over us.
Well, if you're paying attention you see the problem. He woke me up around 4 nibbling on my ear. I rolled over to kiss him and had a sticky, crusty feeling around my vulva. (I'm still giggling over that). I had totally forgotten about my period. It wasn't as messy as I thought it would be. I was picturing murder scene. But me, him, the sleeping bag were all BLECHHH.
We both had to pee. I went first. I came out with a wash cloth and he went in. I ran it under hot water and cleaned myself up. He came out and was looking at me. It was like we were an old married couple or something. Both naked, I'm cleaning my crotch, his dick is saluting me. Typical date. We went back to bed and made love again, except this time he didn't orgasm in my mouth. He suggested we try 69. It was a little awkward at first, but we found a good position. He took forever inside me. It was wonderful. I told him I needed to get dressed. He begged me not to saying he liked being naked with me. I told I at least needed a tampon. I grabbed out of my purse and went into the bathroom. I needed to pee again and it just seemed too theatrical doing it in front of him.
We woke up again around 10. Check out time was noon. We made love again. He asked if he could take my tampon out. I sighed. I really didn't want him to. But I said okay. At first he didn't pull hard enough, and then he pulled too hard. It was hard having him doing it. I couldn't relax my vagina at the right time. He got it out and didn't know what to do with it. He finally put it into a cup with a little champagne in it. It turned it red. I thought I was going to throw up. We did our 69 thing until I came. He asked if we could do it doggie style. I told him hell no!! He acted a little upset, but then explained he didn't want anal sex, just doggie style. Where do guys get these ideas? I really thought he wanted my ass. I have a friend who will only have anal sex with her boyfriend because she thinks she can't get pregnant. We tried it. It didn't work. It just hurt and kept slipping out. He lied down and I straddled him. That felt okay, but it didn't feel as good and my knees started to hurt. So we did it the old fashioned way and it was awesome!
We took a shower together and got dressed. I went ahead and put in a tampon and stuck a pad in in front of him. He didn't gawk and watch. I just didn't care. Hell I fucked the guy three times and drank his load.
His sleeping bag was a mess. He said he always took it to a Laundromat after hunting because it didn't fit in his parent's washing machine.
He dropped me off at a friend's. I supposedly spent the night there, at least as far as my parents were concerned. Half of them girls there were still asleep. I must've had a post-sex glow or something. Everyone knew I had a great night.

Sunday, May 16, 2004 6:03 PM
The family routine seems so bland now. I miss my boyfriend. It was so stupid. I mean I start boot camp in 3 weeks. Shit, that's my PMS week. He's off to the other end of the state to start a summer job at some chemical plant then he's off to college. He was just so sweet last night. I didn't think guys understood at all about periods and would be totally turned off by them. I know I would.
I pulled my tampon out. I probably didn't really need it. My flow's really light now. I'll be padding it the rest of this period.
Jesus, my mom is calling me for dinner. I cannot wait to get the fuck out of this house!

Sunday, May 16, 2004 9:48 PM
I'm exhausted. I can't believe less than 24 hours ago I was having the best sexual experience of my life! And now I have mommy telling me to get to bed because I have finals coming up. They're a week away!
I changed my pad. I'm going to bed.
Product count:
2 Tampax Pearl unscented tampon
2 Always Thin-Ultras with wings

Monday, May 17, 2004 6:21 AM
All of that sex must've loosened me up or something. I was just trickling last night. I went ahead and changed my pad, but I think this'll be the last one this period.
Monday, May 17, 2004 10:11 PM
I was right. I went ahead and wore the pad all day, but I probably didn't need it.
I'm so depressed now. I just want to wake up in my boyfriend's arms every morning. I sort of avoided him today. We don't have any classes together.
Anyway, sorry to end my blog on such a sour note. I have family coming in for my graduation so I don't think I'll be escaping with him then. Not too mention that's when I'm ovulating and most likely to get pregnant. Even with a condom it makes me nervous.
Everytime I hear the word "vulva" I'm going to think of him.
I doubt the Navy will let me blog my period during boot camp.
I love you all!!!
Pad count:
1 Always Thin-Ultras with wings

Story: Menstrual Blog I

Menstrual blog
©2004 Vatobulo

This is a fake blog. I am a male who is very interested in menstruation. I have searched the web for live menstrual blogs, but cannot find any. There are two or three, but they haven't been updated in years.

Friday, April 16, 2004 11:37 PM
Hi! Welcome to my menstrual blog. Okay, here's what's goin' on. My brother caught me having sex. He said he'd tell our parents about it unless I did this blog. You gotta understand my parents, they're like really, really conservative. If they found out about this I could forget the prom, my car, my cell phone, everything!
My wonderful little brother created this blog. He says it's anonymous. He'd damn well better hope it is, that's all I have to say. I know he's obsessed with periods. He could have mine I certainly don't want it!!! He keeps track of mine. Hey brother! Get a girlfriend or something!
Okay, okay, I'll be nice.
I'm supposed to tell a little about myself. I'm NOT telling anyone my name. I turned 18 in January and am graduating from high school next month. I can't wait! I can get my own freakin' life away from the parents and my brother.
I'm about to get my period. I have that crampy feeling. I think I sort of have PMS. I get a little moody, but nothing like one of my friends. She's like a total drama queen!!

Saturday, April 17, 2004 10:04 AM

My brother didn't approve of my message last night. He wants me to describe the cramping more.
There's nothing too exciting about it. It's like I've eaten bad Mexican food or something, but it's sort of in a different place. It comes and goes.
And my brother, he's a nice guy. Really. He wanted me to say that.

Saturday, April 17, 2004 12:22 PM

My brother wants me to talk about my PMS. Despite what he thinks just because I'm in a bad mood doesn't mean it's PMS. I guess I don't have it that bad. A lot of girls are much worse. I sometimes get headaches. Sometimes my back is a little stiff. My breasts can be a little sore. I can be a little bitchy.
My mom has it really bad. She and I cycle together. I'll be in a pissy mood and my mom is like 100 times worse. She's been really bad this month. If she had found about me having sex this month' well, let's say doin' this blog thing isn't that bad!!! LOL
I get sort of a tingly feeling in my inner thighs before I get my period and I have it now. I get that detached feeling. I don't know how else to describe it. I just feel disconnected. My vision is sort of dreamy and cloudy. I hear things but don't really HEAR them. Ya' know?

Saturday, April 17, 2004 2:02 PM

I went to the bathroom and saw some blood in my panties. Aunt Flo is here!

Saturday, April 17, 2004 2:27 PM

Okay, brother, okay!!!
He wants everything god damn detail about this mess in my pants. Grrrrr!!! Our mom is screaming at everyone today. Maybe my PMS is bad. Between my mom bitching at all of us and my brother giving me shit about the blog... I want to kill someone!
Out of habit I used to piece of toilet paper to clean my underpants. It didn't really do anything. I reached under the sink and grabbed a pad. I used Always Thin-Ultras with wings. I unwrapped the yellow wrapper, pulled off the backing, and stuck it inside my panties.

Saturday, April 17, 2004 5:03 PM

My shit was a little runny. Oh little brother, have I grossed you out yet? Probably not! It usually happens when my period starts. I feel like a liquidy mess oozing from both openings.
My pad was about half bloodied I'd say, so I changed it. Same kind. I also am using a tampon. It's a Tampax Pearl unscented with a plastic applicator.

Saturday, April 17, 2004 6:55 PM

My dear little brother says I change my pads too soon and I'm wasting dad's money. Obviously the guy doesn't have a uterus!
It quickly starts to feel very wet down there. It's a gross feeling! Blech!!! Also the smell is just awful. I don't see how people can NOT smell it. Okay, it's probably nowhere near as bad. I mean I can't smell my girlfriends. Maybe it's opposite from farts. Everyone but you can smell your own fart but only you can smell your own period. Speaking of farts, I'm rather gassy. Goes with the territory.
My tampon felt a little heavy so I pulled it out. It was still a little dry and stuck a little to the sides of my vagina. Ouch! It was only about one-third bloody. (yes brother, I know! I'm wasting dad's money! I'll wait until it plops out itself next time!!!!)
My pad is still fairly clean.
I'm really sore down there. It's sort of a throbbing. My back is really hurting, more than usual.
Mom says dinner is ready. After dinner I'll take a hot shower and take it easy.

Saturday, April 17, 2004 11:00 PM

A friend called after dinner. I won't say her name. Sure, there are thousands of girls in this state with her name, but why help narrow down who I am? We chatted a while. I wanted to tell her about this blog thing, but don't want it getting out. She wanted me to see 13 Going on 30 with her. I decided to pass. I still have the shits. I just wanted to lounge around in my sweat pants, watch TV, and be a bum.
I forgot to mention last time I used another tampon last time after I pulled out the first one. Same kind. It's the only kind I use.
I took a shower around 9 or so. I kept the tampon in. My vagina is just too raw. My pad was still fairly clean, but I tossed it. I hate putting on dirty underwear and used pads after a shower. I feel so clean and they feel so dirty.
I put on only panties and a night shirt. It felt so good to get that bra off. All of mine are a little tight (hey, I'm a growing girl) and feel a little tighter around this time of the month. Hey brother!! For a graduation gift, how about some new bras? I'm up to a 34 C now apparently.
I'm about to turn in. I changed my tampon. This time it was pretty full and slipped right out. My pad was a little stained. Better my pad than my panties. My mom gets pissed at me when I have accidents. Groan! I'll be on my own soon. I'll be on my own soon!! I kept the same pad.
So the score for today is
3 Tampax Pearl unscented tampons
3 Always Thin-Ultras with wings

Sunday, April 18, 2004 7:32 AM

I woke up a little before 7 feeling like my bladder was about to explode. I took a nice long piss. My tampon came out without any effort. My pad was pretty full.
Oh, my brother wants descriptions. There are some clots on the tampon. None on my pad. I guess they just all stick to the tampon? Fuck, I don't know. My tampons are always stickier and yuckier than my pads. What's really gross is when I pull it out and I get a sticky string of blood and finally breaks off and lands on my thigh or toilet seat. That hasn't happened yet this period.
I feel totally gross. I want a shower, but I need more sleep. Also if I'm up too early they'll make me go to church. I'm really not in the mood.
I used another tampon and another Always Thin-Ultras with wings. It's my last one. I'll have to swipe some of mom's.

Sunday, April 18, 2004 10:24 AM

My brother woke me with his stereo. I have a headache and feel like I'm sitting in a wet diaper. Mom and dad have left for church. I'm going to take a shower and get moving.

Sunday, April 18, 2004 12:04 PM

I took a shower and got dressed. I used another tampon. I had forgotten I was out of pads, so I went downstairs to my parents' bathroom and grabbed one my mom's Stayfree Ultra Thin Maxis with Wings. I probably should've grabbed a bunch. I don't think straight then I'm on my period.
Okay, brother wants to know what deal is with the wings. I never really thought about it, but I remember reading it help holds the pad closer to the body to prevent leaks.

Sunday, April 18, 2004 3:43 PM

My friend, same one who called last night, called and asked if I'd go running with her. We're both on the track team. I told her I would.
I changed real quick. I pulled out the tampon. About half full, but it came out pretty easily. That's how I can tell. If it sticks it was probably too soon. But it's not like I can put it back in or anything.
I don't like running with a pad. It rubs against me and is really irritating. It's a pain in the ass at the end of my period. I can't really wear a tampon so I have to wear a pad. So anyway, I'm padless now.

Sunday, April 18, 2004 8:18 PM

My mom can be such a bitch. I went into her bathroom and grabbed four of her maxi pads until I could get some more. She has plenty of them. She griped me out, told me I needed to plan better.
I had a good run. We went to Taco Bell after our run.
I'm sort of over the hump with my period. A few days before it and for about two after it starts I feel like a mess. I'm grumpy and forgetful. I'm still bleeding, but it's not quite as heavy. I'm on a tampon and a pad. This will probably be my last tampon this period.

Sunday, April 18, 2004, 10:42 PM

My brother wants to know what it feels like to use a tampon and when I started using them. Then he asked for my entire menstrual history.
I got my period sort of early. I was only 11. It was July 13, 1997. I remember because it was mom's birthday. I forget when I started using tampons. It was probably 9th grade when I started on the track team.
My periods have always been pretty regular. Early on I knew nothing about my body, so I wouldn't have thought much about a missed or late period. I was really naive about that sort of stuff. I learned in health class to keep a calendar and I do keep one. My last period was March 21. Every 26 days, that's me. My periods usually last only about 4 days. Sometimes 5 if it started late in the day.
I really don't know to describe what it's like to use a tampon. The first time it was scary. I mean sticking something inside you like that, especially up THERE!! Nowadays it's not a big deal. I hardly feel it unless I don't get it in far enough, then it's uncomfortable. If it's wet enough it more or less slides out without a whole of tugging.
I lied before. I think I'm going to use a tampon tonight. This will be my last one. No pad. I'm getting itchy down there.
Feminine product count:
5 Tampax Pearl unscented tampons
1 Always Thin-Ultras with wings
2 Stayfree Ultra Thin Maxis with wings

Monday, April 19, 2004, 6:45 AM

I had that sticky string problem this morning. Plop! Right on my right thigh. The tampon was all red, even the string, but didn't feel as heavy. I'm sure there's a science to all of this. After my shower I used one of mom's valuable Stayfree Ultra Thin Maxis with wings. These have pink wrappers in case you're wondering. I have the other three in my purse. They should last me the day.

Monday, April 19, 2004, 7:11 PM

I can't blog from school. And even if I could there's no way in hell I'd blog this!
My flow is really slowing down. It's weird. I guess there's the same amount of blood every month. Some months it just gushes out and is over with. Other months it's more constant. This is a gushy month.
On the way to the cafeteria I changed pads. That was about 11:20 I guess. I hate opening that little can in the stall. It's so gross. They're always full. Hey, bro'! I think the school has a job for ya'!! LOL My pad was about 2/3 full I guess.
School gets out at 3:20 and track practice starts at 3:40. I changed pads then. It wasn't even half full.
I thought I was going to go crazy!! I don't know if I'm allergic to the damn things or what, but my whole area down there itched. Okay, my vulva, that's what itched. We practice around the boys so it's really embarrassing to scratch myself there. Plus it doesn't do much good scratching through a pad. I want to stick my hand in my panties and just claw at myself. I probably should've worn a tampon. My period is really weird this month. I thought I was drying up, but I had to change my pad again after I got home because it was getting soaked.
I still have tampons, but I'd rather use a pad tonight, and I'm out. I don't know, I don't like the idea of something in me that long. Toxic shock syndrome and all. I'm going to run out and buy more Always. My mom prefers Stayfree, I prefer Always. I just have to be different from my mom.
This part of my period isn't so bad. The cramping and irritability is completely gone. My breasts aren't tender and seem to fit into my bras again. But that damn itching!

Monday, April 19, 2004, 10:50 PM

I'm back to the little yellow wrappers. LOL. I ran to Wal-Mart and got some Always. The same ones, Always Thin-Ultras with wings. There are so many choices and I wonder if I should become a pad connoisseur, sampling them all. I'm in a really silly mood if you haven't noticed.
My brother is slacking off. He hasn't bugged me today. Have you finally gotten bored bro'?
Pad count:
4 Stayfree Ultra Thin Maxis with wings
1 Always Thin-Ultras with wings

Tuesday, April 20, 2004, 6:45 AM

Whew! I think I'm almost done. Pad only looked sort of smeared. Since I hate dirty pads against a clean body I put on another one this morning. It might be my last, but I've thrown a few into my purse just in case.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004, 7:33 PM

My pad lasted all day. There was some blood on it before track practice, but I decided to run bare. I'd rather have a little blood in my panties than itch like I did yesterday. Turns out it was an okay move. Nothing gross in my underpants.

Tuesday, April 20, 2004, 8:22 PM

My brother is so freakin' weird. He congratulated me on another successful period. He says assuming I've never missed and I've always had a 26 day cycle this was my 96th period. I should expect to enjoy (HA!) about 440 more periods. But pregnancies and when I hit menopause could affect that number. Now he wants to know how much they cost so he can figure the cost of a woman's menstrual cycle. Giggle!!
He wants to know if I feel more feminine when I have my period. I feel feminine everyday. I'm a girl! Periods are a pain in the ass. I don't think I described anything fun! The only thing I like about them is they feel so good when they end.
I'm off the hook for the sex thing. But he wants me to blog my period every month. It was actually sort of fun. I mean I had no idea how many pads and tampons I used. I used a lot less than I thought. But I don't think I will. If anyone found out I was doing this.
No more bleeding. I can wear just a night shirt, no panties. I feel free! LOL
Today's pad count:
1 Always Thin-Ultras with wings
Grand total:
8 Tampax Pearl unscented tampons
6 Always Thin-Ultras with wings
6 Stayfree Ultra Thin Maxis with wings

Story: Diane's PMS Cure

Diane's PMS Cure
©2004 Vatobulo

Diane ran through the front door to her office building, spilling coffee and burning her hand in the process, and trotted back to her desk. She put her coffee cup down, took off her jacket, picked her purse back up and started towards the bathroom.
"Late again?"
Diane looked up. It was her boss, Jeff.
"Jeff, it's 8:07. There's no rule that says I have to be here right at 8. No one else in this company comes in that early." Diane could feel crotch getting warm.
Jeff continued to stand in the doorway of her cubicle. "So how's your project coming?"
"Can I talk about it in a minute? I really need to get to the restroom." Jeff stood for another few seconds, looked at his watch, then told Diane to be in his office at 8:15 for a brief status meeting. He slowly sipped his coffee and half-heartedly got out of the way. Diane muscled past him and made a beeline for the ladies' room.
"Jackass", she said as she walked into the farthest stall. She unfastened her jeans and pulled them down to her knees. She took a deep breath and slowly pulled down her panties. She could feel the ooze.
She reached over for some toilet paper. The dispenser was empty. She pulled her panties up to the point where she could walk, grabbed her purse, and walked into the next stall. This one had paper.
Diane grabbed a wad of toilet paper and cleaned herself up. She cleaned her panties the best she could. She knew Jeff delaying her those thirty seconds didn't cause her to bloody her panties more, but she still thought Jeff was an ass.
She sat down to pee and rummaged in her purse. She had a thin maxi with wings from last month. Thank God. Nothing had gone right this morning. She was majorly PMSy last night and fell asleep reading. She woke up late having slept on the couch all night. Her neck was stiff, her boobs were sore, she was in a bad mood, and was late for work. And to top it all off, her period snuck up on her a day early.
After peeing she wiped herself then unwrapped the pad from its yellow plastic wrapper. She peeled the backing off and placed it in her soiled panties. She pulled the backings from the wings and folded those over. After throwing the trash away in the little can on the stall wall, she wiped herself one more time, but the toilet paper came up clean. She pulled up her panties, made sure the pad was snug, then pulled up her jeans. She flushed then took inventory.
One more pad and a tampon. She shouldn't start flowing good until the afternoon, so she was probably safe.
Diane went to Jeff's office. Her head was starting to throb. Her uterus felt as large as a beachball. Her vision was blurry and felt disconnected from her mind, body, and reality. The conversation lasted about sixty seconds and she went back to her cubicle.
This was Diane's first job out of college. She earned her Bachelor's degree in computer engineering with a minor in Biology, then went on to earn her Master's degree in Computer Science. She came from a devoutly Catholic family with Old World values. The boys made careers while the girls stayed home and made babies. Her father was very reluctant to send her to college. She was determined to go, so he used money he had saved since she was born, money that was to be spend on her wedding. The extra year to complete her extra biology courses, plus the additional two years in graduate school ate up her "dowry" (as she liked to call it, even though it was not the correct term), so she applied for various loans and grants. She graduated at the age of 25 with two degrees and about $30,000 worth of debt. Diane had no trouble finding a high paying job. She lived a sparse existance and paid most of the debt off before the dot-com bubble burst.
Last year Diane watched as her company went from 110 to 19 employees. They laid off the dippy receptionist a few months ago making her the only female in the place. At no time did she consider herself lucky. She was good. She worked very hard. Jeff told her once that the only reason he kept her was because they needed a token female. Harrassment? You bet! What could she do about it? Not a thing. She had the goods on them. The systems administrator wrote an application called "dianepms" that tracked her period for the men in her group. They all thought it was a real hoot and honestly thought she was oblivious to it. She wasn't real regular, so the calendar was often off a few days. She made backups of the program, even copying the data file that got updated every couple of months. Since Becky, the receptionist, had gone they had her cycle down to the day. It was obvious how they did it. She was the only female in the building, so a casual inspection of the "blood bucket" in the stall in the ladies' room could tell them everything.
She had no immediate plans for using the back ups she had made. If she ever got laid-off she could take them to court. But what then? Who would hire her later? Her company did write medical software, they'd just claim that's all it was. What was the use?
Diane had a reputation of being a bitch. This hurt her, but quickly rationalized it. She had to fight her dad to go to college. Her younger brother started college two years later with her father's full blessings and financial support. She started her career saddled with debt while her brother didn't owe a cent. She relied on friends and the campus bus service, he drove his own truck. She went to the local no-name university, he went to the big prestigious state university. Why? All because she was born with a vagina.
Her professors treated her like a cute little puppy trying to comprehend engineering. Her design projects were the best, but she rarely received the highest grade in the class. During her senior year a female professor took her under her wing and encouraged her to enter graduate school. She long suspected, then confirmed the professor was a lesbian. But that didn't matter. Dr. Nichols was faithful to her girlfriend of 12 years and there was never a question of Diane having to sleep her way into grad school, even with a lesbian. Diane was never very lucky in love. She was cute, but just didn't have the body men looked for. Her bra size was 34A. She stood about five-foot-three and had the shape of a Pringles can. A lot of men she dated were jerks. Others had annoying habits. Chronically late. Chronically early. Didn't shave. Men!
Diane got her first period when she was 11 years-old, just about six weeks shy of her twelfth birthday. Most girls felt very grown up when this happened. Diane just felt like it was one more hassle. She bled infrequently off and on until she was about 13 or 14. She couldn't believe what a mess it was. She could feel herself getting crabbier and crabbier as the months went by. It wasn't fair. Boys didn't bleed, get pregnant, have to wear pantyhose, or get questioned when they wanted to study engineering.
She was now 32, over two decades of periods. Just what? Less than two to go? She knew she had PMS, but that was the just price of being the superior sex. There was nothing she could do about it.
Diane's morning was hell. She couldn't focus on her computer screen. Her bloating blurred her vision. She had to run to pee every hour. She felt like she was sitting in warm mud. She ate so many candy bars, potato chips, and diet Cokes, her stomach started to revolt. Time was no longer linear. She had worked through lunch when the phone rang.
"This is Diane."
"Hi, it's me, Megan. How are ya'?"
Megan was a perky blonde who probably couldn't spell "PMS" much less know what it was to suffer from it. Megan frequently worried she was "late" but had no clue when her last period occurred or where she was in her cycle. Diane could almost give each day a name. "Yucky mucous day." "Blood and clot day." "Homocidal bitch day." Since Megan couldn't even begin to relate to PMS, Diane gave her a non-commital "Fine."
"Are you ready for tonight?"
Oh shit.
"Is that tonight?"
"Diane! I worked so hard to set you two up. You forgot?"
"I'm sorry, it's been a bad morning."
"Diane, please tell me you're not PMSing. You shouldn't date when you're PMSing."
"No, I'm just past that stage."
"Okay, that's good."
"Megan, I'm bleeding. I'm like a PMS bitch who's been shot. Can I reschedule this?"
"Diane, no. No, you need to get out, enjoy your life. It was so hard convincing my sister to introduce him to me so I could check him out for you. No, you have to go."
"What's this guy do? Manage a bowling alley?"
"Diane, what is with you? I've only set you up with nice men. You're so hard on them. Like Steve."
"Steve arrived to my apartment late every date. Or so early I couldn't let him in."
"Diane, he works for the state 45 miles from here. You know what traffic is like."
"The days I was ready he'd be 30 minute late. The days I wasn't he'd be 10 minutes early. I can't schedule my life around that."
"Okay, listen, seven o'clock at the Mango Grill, okay?"
"I'll be there."
The afternoon wasn't much better. Her program had serious bugs she couldn't find. She learned one she completed two months ago was rejected by FDA for another bug. By three she had just about had it. She grabbed her purse and made about her tenth trip to the ladies' room. Her maxi was getting full. She had started to feel her flow pick up steam. She peed and ripped her pad out and rolled it up. Holding it with two fingers, she unwrapped her last one from her purse and used the wrapper from the second to wrap up the first. She stuck the pad on as before after disposing of the bloodied one. She reached into her purse for her tampon. She unwrapped up and held the applicator at the entrance of her vagina. She took a deep breath and stuck in it. "Women find this pleasurable?" she thought. As a good Catholic girl, she had never had sex. There was that one day a month where she craved a man, but despised them the remaining days. She pressed on the plunger, pushing the tampon well into her vagina. She pulled it back out and wrapped the bloody applicator in toilet paper and threw it in with the used maxi pad.
Diane planned to leave work around five, go home, clean up, and meet Phil at seven. That was not to be. At 3:45 two men from FDA showed up asking about the project she was currently on. It would analyze a patient's heart rhythm more accurately than an EKG revealing now hidden flaws that could lead to heart disease even years down the road. They didn't leave until 6:30. She raced out to her car and drove to the restaurant. She was in the parking lot at precisely 6:52. She freshened her makeup in the rearview mirror and walked into the restaurant as her watch struck 7. "He's late." Diane had splurged and bought a watch that synchronized with the Naval Observatory and she was a stickler for time. Not a second early, not a second late.
She glanced at her watch every 30 seconds and huffed. The restaurant was dead and she was obviously making the staff a little nervous. At 7:17 a tall man wearing a dark suit and carrying a rose walked through the door. He walked straight up to her. "Diane?"
"Phil. I am so sorry I'm late. I had a delivery that took longer than expected."
She took the rose and summed him up. Late delivery? A beer truck driver who wears suits. Great.
They were seated. Phil ordered calamari and a bottle of red wine. Diane just sat there quietly.
"I'm sorry, I didn't get to eat lunch. So Megan tells me you build computers?"
Diane rolled her eyes. "I write software for MedCalSoft."
"Really. We use that in my office."
"Where do you work?"
"I'm a physician."
Wow, a doctor.
"Megan didn't tell me you're a doctor."
"I try not to advertise it. You'd be amazed. On a first date a woman will ask me to look at her foot or ask me to visit her sick aunt without insurance. I work enough hours, I don't need to be a doctor 168 hours per week.
"What software do you use?"
"I use the office management and patient management packages. I also have GynPalm on my PDA." He paused. "Yes, I'm an OB/GYN." Diane suddenly became aware of her gynecological issues. She would need to slip away and hope to God the ladies' room had a Kotex machine.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned that."
"Women don't always like GYNs. I mean what man would do that for a living, right? Truth is 80% of my office visits are routine flu, allergies, non-invasive OB checks. I dated a girl who after the third or fourth date blew up at a party about me looking at other women all day and stormed out. There are a lot of women out there who just can't handle their significant other examining women. I have friends who got married in med school only to have their wives leave them when they started practicing. Crazy."
The waitress brought the appetizer and wine. Phil ordered a grilled chicken salad. Diane ordered the sesame chicken.
"Take that waitress. Is she a patient of mine? Some women drive themselves bonkers, looking at every other woman with suspicion and envy."
Diane ate a piece of calamari. It was the first substantial food she'd eaten all day.
"So is she a patient of yours?"
She swallowed some wine.
"Why'd you choose your field instead of, say, pediatrics?"
"So many male doctors treat women like they're mindless shells who don't know what's going on with their bodies. These same doctors treat their male patients with respect. I couldn't believe it. I took an interest in reaching out to women patients. I got really good feedback. One woman told me if I didn't go into OB/GYN I was making a huge mistake."
The two continued to chat through dinner. This was the first guy who clicked for her. Wow. She forgot about her period until cramping hit.
"Diane, you don't look so good."
"I'm sorry. Long day."
"Would you like to go home. We can see the movie another evening."
Diane looked around not believing what she was about to say. "I got my period today and am just a little not with it."
Phil took a sip of his red wine.
"Do you suffer from PMS?"
"Bad cramping, bloating, moodiness?"
"If I may be frank with you, have you evaluated your eating habits?"
"Like going on a diet?"
"No, a complete lifestyle change. That dinner you ate. Full of MSG. That's the worst thing you can eat, especially during your period. And I don't mean to be rude, you finished off most of that calamari. Did you live off of chocolate, salty snacks, and caffeine today?"
"Yes I did."
Phil took another sip of his wine. "Tell you what. The paper claims the movie we planned to see was pretty bad. Why don't you follow me back to my office. I have some literature for you and short term some medication I think can help you."
Without hesitating Diane answered, "Okay."
Diane followed Phil to his office. They drove past the hospital and about a mile past it was a cluster of medical arts buildings. Because of the late hour there were few cars in the parking lot. She pulled into the parking space next to his car.
They met at the front of both their cars and instinctively held hands as they walked silently up to his office. Stenciled on this door was:
Dr. Phil Lopian, M.D., P.A., F.A.C.O.G.
He unlocked the door, let her in, then walked over to the security panel to deactivate the alarm. Once he did, he turned on the lights.
"Well, this is where I work all day. Here and the hospital."
The office looked just like every other doctor's office in the city and across the country. The waiting room was a peach color and had a definitely feminine theme. Obvious since 100% of his patients were women, plus he would want to provide a safe, soothing environment.
"I'll give you the nickel tour."
He again held her hand and showed her the six examination rooms. "The first exam room is the OB room where I can perform ultrasounds. In the back is the x-ray/mammography lab where I can, of course, take x-rays and mammograms."
Diane smiled.
"We'll be going into exam room two."
"Okay." she answered hollowly.
Phil followeed her in, opened a cabinet, pulled out a gown and handed it to her.
"Strip down to your panties and put this on. I'm going to go start a file on you."
"Wait, Doctor, I mean, Phil. I didn't say you could examine me."
"Diane. I need to perform a routine physical examination before I can prescribe anything."
"Wait though. You can't do that because I'm on, uh, having my period."
"I'm not taking a Pap smear, just a routine exam. It doesn't matter if you're menstruating."
She stood there quietly, not sure what she should do.
"Diane. It's because of women like you I went into gynecology."
She looked at him skeptically.
"Did you mention your symptoms to your doctor during your last exam?"
"What did he say?"
"It was normal."
"Exactly. PMS is common, but it's not normal. I can help you, Diane. Tell me this, when was you last exam?"
Diane had to think. She was rarely sick and since she wasn't sexually active, she saw little need to have annual exams.
Her first exam was about 12 years ago in college. She had a stomach virus. The doctor had her don a gown and performed a full exam on her without communicating a thing. She passed out briefly when he inserted the speculum. After determining she wasn't pregnant he suggested Pepto Bismol. She went back to her dorm, vomitted, and cried.
About five years later she got sick and broke down and went to the doctor. A female doctor. All Diane wanted was some antibiotics, but the doctor insisted on a full exam. She was nowhere near as rough as the doctor in college, but still did not enjoy the experience.
Three years ago she went to yet another doctor, another man. Her periods had gotten very heavy. Never in her life had Diane used a tampon, but she felt like she had no choice. Her mother didn't think good girls used tampons. Her sister told her only married women should use them, it just wasn't appropriate for a single, virginal woman to be using tampons. However all of her friends used them as did all of her college roomates, so she gave them a try. At first she coated the applicator with KY Jelly (she felt like a really loose woman buying that) before using them, but after her second cycle on tampons became more used to them. She wondered what her mother would think. But pads alone just weren't cutting it, so she had little choice. In the end the third doctor told her heavy periods and PMS were a normal part of being a woman, so she would have to learn to work around those issues.
She told Phil a little about her history and bad experiences with doctors. He nodded sympathetically. "Go ahead and put on the gown, I'll be back in a few minutes with some paperwork." He kissed her forehead and left the room. Diane took a deep breath and thought to herself, "This has got to go into the annals of weirdness. I go out on a blind date and next thing I know I'm letting him examine me."
She took off her blouse and draped it over the chair. She unhooked her bra and laid it over her blouse. She stopped, then picked up her blouse and put her bra down first so the blouse would cover it. She became painfully aware of her small breasts. "If these tiny things don't turn him off, I'm not sure what will."
She unfastened her jeans and slipped them off. "Oh no!" A little stream of blood came out from under her panties when she had her leg bent in the air getting the pants leg off. "God I stink." Gee, small boobs and a bloody, smelly crotch. What a great date she was!
She grabbed a tissue to wipe the blood off her leg, got the gown on, and sat on the table. She could feel her tampon about to fall out.
A moment later Phil knocked then came in. She felt so naked in the gown. She looked over at the chair to make sure her bra was still hidden.
He smiled and sat in a stool on wheels. "I'm going to ask a few questions about your medical history before we get started, okay?"
"Full name?"
"Mary Diane Sullivan."
He continued asked mundane questions about her address, employer, etc.
"Date of last period?"
"Well, today. On my way to work."
"How many days apart is your cycle?"
"Anywhere from 25 to 30. Just depends."
"Do you use birth control?"
"Are you sexually active or have you been sexually active in the past 12 months?"
Phil changed his tone of voice. "You don't have to play the prude for me. Have you really been celebate for the past 12 months?"
"I'm an old fashioned Catholic girl. I really have never, uh, never done it. Had sex that is."
He decided not to ask her about pregnancies or miscarriages and abortions.
"I don't think it's that bad I'm still a virgin."
Phil looked up at her. "I wish more women had that attitude. I see too many young women, girls even, 14 or 15 years old who are pregnant, have an STD, or even AIDS. What a way to ruin your life. Some girls will become vegetarians in the name of health, then go out and sleep with Sammy the Gangbanger and get God knows what. If I had a hat on I'd tip it to you."
Diane smiled.
"Okay, I want to attack your concerns two ways. First, with medication. I don't like prescribing medicines, but I believe they can benefit you short term. Secondly I'd like to address you diet and general lifestyles."
"I will be writing two prescriptions for you. One is a low hormone birth control pill, the other Serafem, an anti-depressant."
"Phil, I can't. I'm Catholic remember? I can't use birth control pills."
Phil put up one hand and nodded. "I know. I am not prescribing these pills to prevent pregnancy. It's regulate your cycle better and put your homormones on a more even keel. If you're not sexually active you should have no concerns. Should you become active, simply abstain during ovulation."
Diane sighed. "Okay, you know best Doc."
Phil took her vitals. All were within limits.
"I'm going to feel you neck and check your thyroid." She sat there while he palpated her neck and throat.
"Please lie down now."
Diane did as she was asked.
"I'm going to perform a breast exam."
Oh no, not those little things. Hardly worth examining. At least it won't take long.
He felt both breasts, going in a circle, slowly closing in on her nipple which he squeezed looking for discharge. He then felt up into her armpits.
"Are you breasts usually this lumpy?"
"I'm not sure. What do you mean?"
"Do you examine your breasts every month?"
"It's important. I know women don't like feeling themselves up, but it's very important for your health to check them."
He held Diane's hand and brought it to her breast. He mashed her fingers into her right breast.
"I'm sorry, do you feel how lumpy that feels?"
"I don't think it's anything. Some women have lumpy breasts. Just be aware of any changes."
Phil moved down and palpated her abdomen. Everything felt normal. He then put on a pair of latex gloves.
"Okay, I'm going to remove your panties."
"What? I didn't think... I'm on my period."
"I know. But I need to do a pelvic exam."
"But I'm bleeding. Phil, my period was early this morning and I wasn't prepared and I've had the same pad on since this afternoon. I'm really gross."
Phil shook his head. "I've seen worse."
Diane relaxed and raised up her butt as he slid her panties off. She just stared at the ceiling. She heard him rip her pad out of her panties and placed it inside a kidney shaped metal dish on a table next to her. The thing was completely soaked.
She felt Phil's hands run along the inside of her thighs. She barely felt him remove her tampon. It was so full it just flopped out. Also when she removed it herself, she tended to tighten her vaginal muscles. She kept them loose for Phil.
Phil put the tampon in the same bowl with the pad. No wonder she was leaking. Neither could hold another drop. She felt blood running out of her vagina. Phil took some gauze and wiped her clean.
"I'm going to examine your vulva. Check for lumps, sores, and the like."
Can I say anything besides okay?
"Everything's fine. Now I need to check your internal organs. I'll be placing two of my fingers inside of you and pressing on your abdomen. Because you're menstruating this might feel a little uncomfortable."
This time she nodded.
His two fingers slid in easily. He pressed on her uterus, checked her tubes, and ovaries. When he pressed down on her uterus she felt a squish and felt more blood rush out of her.
"Now I need to perform a bi-manual exam. I will have one finger in your anus and two in your vagina. Just try to relax."
Never in her life had anything been in her ass. First time for everything.
She felt herself pull away as he placed his finger into her rectum.
"Scoot back down, girl."
Diane lifted her butt up and slid down. He probed about some more and before she knew it, he was done. He took off his gloves and wheeled himself over to her.
"Okay, everything is in order."
Phil reached over and grabbed the bowl containing her used pad and tampon. He held it in one hand and a dental pick in the other.
"I was looking at your pad and tampon and you'll notice large clots."
Diane's stomach just turned. She never looked that closely at her spent products.
"I have not yet proven this. But for two years I have researched this matter. Women with larger clots have more difficult periods." He poked at some of the larger clots on her tampon. "See how hard they are? The opening to your cervix, called the os by the way, is normally closed and at most will open only about 2 millimeters wide without discomfort. As you can see these clots are larger."
Diane looked at the clots some more. God periods are gross.
"My theory is this. The uterus works very hard to expel its endometrial lining during menstruation. Clots block the os causing your uterus to work harder. This causes cramping. Furthermore in order to break down the clots, your body retains water which of course leads to bloating, tender breasts, and general discomfort."
Diane realized she was still in the stirrups. Oh well, she was comfortable.
"What I want to do now is dilate your cervix slightly and help the larger clots pass. This won't hurt, but you might have a queazy sensation in your stomach."
Phil grabbed a plastic bag from a box under the table. Actually it was two bags. He opened one.
"This is a disposable plastic speculum. I prefer these because they're less intimidating and I can just throw them away." He showed her how they open, close, and lock into place. Then he handed it to her. "Just play it with. It'll demystify the thing for you."
Phil rolled over to the business end of Diane. "I'm going to insert the speculum now. Just take a deep breath, hold it, then exhale." She did and he slipped the speculum in. He then selected a long, thin rod from his table of instruments. He pressed the tip into her cervix causing it to open. Diane felt waves of nausea pass over her, but they passed. Phil removed the dialator and began pressing on her uterus. Diane of course had never been pregnant, but she imagined her water breaking being a lot like what she felt. She thought liquid was just pouring out of her.
"That felt worse than it was. Probably about a day's worth of menstrual fluid. You passed several large clots. The rest of your period should progress nicely."
Phil rolled back over to Diane's side. She saw his gloves were quite bloody.
He removed them and grabbed his clipboard.
"Okay young lady. Only two things belong in your vagina. Penises and babies. Well, maybe a clean finger. Stop using tampons."
"They're full of chemicals. Your vaginal walls absorb these chemicals very easily. They're also irritating. But pads aren't the wonderful either."
"What should I use?"
Phil smiled. "Natural pads. I noticed your vulva was a little irritated. Probably a combination of the chemicals in your Kotex and sitting in blood all afternoon. I'll give you a sample before you leave tonight. They cost a little more, but are more than worth it."
Diane could feel blood really flowing out of her. It was running down her butt crack and pooling under her.
"Phil, I'm a very heavy bleeder. I need the tampons."
"Once we've better regulated you, your flow will more slow and steady. I can guarantee you you won't have any accidents. I want you to avoid MSG and salt. Drink lots of water, especially during the week before your period. Avoid caffeine. Exercise, eat a balanced diet. I know you hear these things everyday, but they're so true, Diane."
"Now there's one last thing I'd for you to consider. Masturbation."
If Diane had not been in the stirrups she would've fallen off the table.
Phil smiled. "I know, touchy topic. Sexual stimulation and orgasm flushes blood out of the uterine region and will help reduce your clots." Diane just lied there and looked at the ceiling. Phil rolled back to the business end and began rubbing her clitoris.
"What are you doing?"
"She felt like she should ask him to stop, but didn't want to." He continued slowly rubbing her. She felt very relaxed. Once when she was 16 she had tried masturbating in bed thinking about a boy she liked. When it began to feel really good she stopped. She wanted to confess, but was too afraid. Phil has passed the point she was at 16 years ago, but hadn't taken her to orgasm. Moments before she felt like she would climax, he stopped.
Phil rolled his stool over next to her again. "Did that feel okay?"
"Shall I continue?"
"Uh huh."
Phil rolled back down and continued. Once again right before she climaxed he pulled away. She trust her hips up trying to rub his withdrawing fingers, but it didn't work. He rolled over to her again. "Naughty, naughty."
"God Phil I'm so close."
"I know, but I need to circulate more blood through your uterus." Phil went through this routine four more times. Diane thought she was going to scream. She looked at her watch. It was ten past midnight. She heard a zipper. Pants coming down. Phil stood at her feet. He eased his body into hers. She orgasmed immediately. He trusted himself over and over. Finally he came too.
"I'm scheduling you for another visit on the 18th of next month."
"I'll be starting my period that day."
"I know."

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Interesting items in the news

        There have been a number of interesting gynecological articles in the news lately. First, ability to orgasm may be genetically linked. Of course they are referring to female orgasm. Men can orgasm anytime, anywhere. There could be some truth to this, but any man who has a clue what he's going can bring any woman to orgasm.
        A woman gives birth after an ovarian transplant. She received an ovary from her twin sister and it worked. She conceived the baby naturally and nine months later....voila.
        I can remember when doctors panicked if a woman became pregnant after 35. Then it was 40. Turns out there's little risk to mom or baby if the mother waits until later in life.


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